Okay, not really. But I feel an explanation is in order to set my Beervana right.

I have a terrible track record of spewing embarrassing admissions on the web. I’m practically epileptic on Twitter and Facebook: So many timelines of flashy, sparkly, breakneck content, so little time to interject myself into the whirring-picture slot machines. It makes me stupid and drooly sometimes, and I lose track of what’s what. Like the difference between direct messages and MY PUBLIC STREAM.

That’s what happened Tuesday night, if you happened to see me idiotically admit to the Twitter world that I wished “I could unfollow @BasicallyRed and @Hoptopia … but wouldn’t.”  That was supposed to be a DM response to a friend’s admission that she’d unfollowed an undisclosed craft beer (lite-category) heavyweight. As soon as I responded to her, I thought, “wait a minute …” Delete. But I think it was out long enough, ‘cause they unfollowed me.

Big effing deal, right? Oops. I’m a boner. I acted retardedly, but attention spans are short online. Is it really worth rehashing on here?

Well, yes. First, Red is also the lady behind @LadiesofCraftBeer, which our organization sympathizes with. Further, as Tiger Woods’ camp will tell you in retrospect, it’s better to address public snafus than to sit and let them fester until the day you have to collaborate with maligned parties.

Hops, Red, my apologies. Again, there’s a big boner peeking out of my shirt collar right now, and it’s hanging to the left with shame. I would never purposefully spew such spam to the Twitterverse, but I still deserve the shaft for being careless, and the “WTF?” it may have elicited.

But just in case you were wondering why I said what I did? Because I would be.

Hoptopia, my man, I like the blog. I like that the reviews are short and sweet; I like the clean, cool, almost Asian-inspired design. (An A – Z directory of reviews would be cool.)

But I can’t stand how you flog that hashtag, “#tellhoptopia,” every day, several times a day. Why can’t you just ask your blog question and then say, “tell me?”  Yes, I know, the hashtag ostensibly will allow people to find it easier … but aren’t they usually, and best, reserved for causes, events and memes? #craftbeer, #Texas, #FML, etc. (And yes! #LadiesofCraftBeer is inclusive enough to fit this definition.)

That’s all.

As for you, Red, there’s a reason I didn’t say, “I wish I could unfollow @LadiesofCraftBeer … but I won’t.” I like that stream. And I get that @BasicallyRed is more your personal one. Also, I’ve checked your blog on Mutineer online, and it’s great! Wish I’d seen it before I went to NYC last and thought, “Where the hell is the beer?”

But your twitter picture, where you’re sticking your tongue out all nastay stylez in front of the beer? I just can’t help that it irks me. Not because it’s vaguely sexual, as I’m certainly not prude. (See the end of this post.)  It’s just like, A., Isn’t this about the beer? And B., Isn’t that kind of picture from a chick sort of trite? Like, Miller Lite girls trite? Aren’t we trying to portray women as discriminating drinkers of craft beer? Granted, my pic says ADD and animated, and that’s true. What does yours say? Will lick for beer?

So that’s why I said what I did, to many more sets of ears than I thought. That’s key.

Anyway, it’s not the first time I’ve screwed myself over in the online beer community. A couple of months ago, I was posting a response to an event listing for my homebrewers meetup group, and I just couldn’t preview the pictures I was trying to upload to my profile. Then the whole damn thing froze, and I just left the site, thinking I’d have to repost everything.

Imagine my surprise when I revisited the Captain Bob’s Homebrew Crew page. All of my entries were prefaced with a full-length pic of me in my bra and underwear, Miley Cyrus style. I had been bored in my hotel room while on business (stifle the jokes), and decided to see how far my body was from bikini-ready. You see, I don’t trust mirrors, but I do trust cameras.

I lied to the group and said some spammer hijacked my account. And by God, I went to the next brew-out.

This time, I’m not gonna lie. Sorry. Maybe one day we’ll be friends. Maybe not. Either way, see you at the Beer Blogger’s Conference!